Little people know really lots of things that grown people don’t know we know. Parents think all I should be doing is learning letters and numbers. Their names are Helen and Floyd and they hardly have time for me after work because of sex.
I am dropped off before dawn at Candy Cane Fun School and picked up after dark by one or the other of them and driven home.
God they are always thinking about numbers and letters. How many times am I supposed to say all the way from A to Z, and count from 1 to one hundred?
They pay extra for me to eat all my meals at Fun School, but of the ones served the only ones that are OK are the sandwiches. The cook Mrs. Drake burns or overcooks all the vegetables, or any toast. Our saying in kindergarten is, “All meals are toast”.
Most parents get off earlier and serve a family meal at night. We have our family meal on Sunday at McDonald’s, when Floyd is off for all day. Well most days on Sunday they put me to bed, like at night when they get me home and say, ‘It’s your bedtime Gary’ It is always my bedtime so they can have sex. They think that I don;’t understand the word ‘Fuck;’.
Missie Grant who is my same age, almost five, well we talk together about sex all the time. Her parents have never had sex she swears. The way she said it was, “They lock their bedroom door and scream.”
She doesn’t know what her parents yell about, she just says, “It doesn’t make sense.”
“Why?” I asked her.
“Well mother screams, like she’s hurt, but when I knock on the locked door she says she’s not hurt.” Missie says.
“That’s sex Missie. It hurts the woman to put the big old poker inside her, and she screams, but she likes it.
They, women, scream, but never want to stop”
“How do you know so much about sex?”
“I hear what they say, and see what they do.”
“What do you see Gary Parker?” Missie asks.
“Well when they have California Half Scotch they forget I’m in the house, or in their bed. Also Floyd takes a little green pill that he says, “Would make a man screw Phelander”. That’s our collie dog, who also sleeps in their bed, or sometimes on the floor next to the water-bed, when the surf is rough.
“So what do they do when they have the green pill, or the scotch?
“Well he puts his hard thing between his legs that he has named ‘Monkey’, between Helen’s legs and pushes it inside and rides her like on the Mary Go Round.”
“Does Helen scream when you are on the bed with them?”
“Oh yes, screaming is part of it, that’s when the bed really rocks.”
“Do you think the girl really likes it?
“That’s what the screaming is about, him trying to stop. She uses her fingernails and scratches him and gives him vicious bites on his arms when he tries to pull out, or quit.”
“Do you think fighting is part of sex?”
“It’s all about fighting.”
“Well my parents fight, hit each other. She mostly slaps and throws things at him, but he mostly hits with his fists.”
“That’s it, and they threaten to call the law and run around the house pointing the guns at each other. That all happens with, and during the drinking. Then he throws her on the bed and puts his big thing inside her. All the fighting and drinking makes him hard enough for sex.”
“But then my parents lock me out of their bedroom! I just hear the screaming.”
“My parents don’t have a working lock on their bedroom door.”
“I think mine have sex at work.”
“Do they work at the same place?”
“No silly they do it with other people. Mother says ‘He’s boinking the blond’ and he says, ‘There, no other reason for Mr. Bederon to call you at home. Is is code for wear green panties tomorrow?”
“What I don’t get about sex Gary is that babies come from between the woman’s legs, just pop out!
You know more than I do Gary, you’ve actually seen it, real screwing. Do babies come out?”
“No way, even if I was very, very small I couldn’t get my head out of that small place!”
“That’s what I thought, so what’s sex for, anyway?”
“It’s a reason to drink, bite and scream. Babies come from U.F.O.’s Fucking is what human’s do for fun.”
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